NW Democrat-Gazette

Liberal feelings mean it’s time to visit doctor

Recent concerns about my health sent me to my family doctor, an old friend.

“I’m pretty worried,” I told him. “I think I’m coming down with liberal elitism.”

I swallowed hard even to hear myself saying those words. He smiled benignly and chuckled softly. “Oh, I doubt it. What seems to be the trouble?”

“I’ve begun to think we should have national health insurance”

“That’s not so bad,” he said. “A lot of people think that. Anything else?”

“Well, the other night, I decided we should probably have some kind of government support for child care, so more women could work without undue burdens on them or their families”

His visage darkened ever so slightly. He scribbled something on a yellow pad. “Hmm. Go on.”

“I’m beginning to feel our tax dollars should be spent on public education, not private schools or home schoolers.”

My doctor fidgeted in his chair, fiddled with his earlobe and took out a handkerchief to wipe his brow. “I assure you we haven’t had a case of liberal elitism this side of the Mississippi River since Kennedy was president. I’m sure these symptoms will go away soon.”

“I thought so too, until I took a quiz from the AARP magazine, and it said I had a heightened sense of societal and racial injustice,” I explained. “So what?”

“They said I was ‘woke.’ And I wanted to go on vacation in Florida where Gov. DeSantis says woke goes to die.”

Visible relief spread over my doctor’s face. He took out his prescription pad. “Don’t worry. I’ll write you a doctor’s note, saying you’re in a recovery phase. Works every time.”

DAVID CRITTENDEN Fayetteville

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2023-06-02T07:00:00.0000000Z

2023-06-02T07:00:00.0000000Z

https://edition.nwaonline.com/article/282110640993740

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